sex and assumptions

From an e-mail conversation I had recently with a local man.

ME: I am looking for a simple thing—good conversation, good companionship, good sex. It seems that too many of my peers and friends are so intent on “getting married” and finding “the one” that they have lost the joy of just spending time enjoying someone’s company. I am not a girl looking for a brass ring . . . or a gold one, for that matter. And, I’m tired of relationships with commitment and assumptions built in like shelves in a library.
 
I just want to enjoy someone and have him enjoy me.

HIM: You don’t ask for much!  So in what order do you like your friendship to evolve, companionship, conversation, or sex (inwhich order?).  Also, do you have another pic, you’re not looking into the camera.
 
What am I looking for? I’m really not sure… I am sure I will know it when I find it.  I know that is too vague so I will try a little harder.  I think I am looking for a friend, preferably a friend with benefits, no committments, just friends. 
 
Let me know what your thinking.

ME: I’ve actually been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon, and, while I would love a simple relationship with no assumptions, it seems that you already have a few assumptions built in. Yours are “friends only” assumptions. And, that honesty is a good thing. I’m glad you told me. Don’t get me wrong. But, to answer honesty with honesty, I already have a couple of those. I already have a few boys, whom I’m sure would label me a “friend with benefits.” They come over once every couple of weeks or once a month. We have sex. They go home. This is not a slot I personally need filled. (And, I don’t actually consider us “friends.” Friends talk and enjoy each other outside of sex.)
 
I guess I’m looking for a companion, a step up from the booty call of a “friend with benefits.” It’s not that I am looking for a relationship, but, honestly, I don’t want to be handicapped against the potential before I even get in the game.
 
I’d like to have dinner, talk, go to the movies. Now, I’m not expecting commitment, but I’d rather not rule it out from the get-go either. The “friends only” assumption, to me, is the equally-stringent flipside of the “I need to get married” assumption. One person in the relationship has an agenda that doesn’t benefit or really take into account the developing emotions of the other.
 
So, unfortunately, it looks like we aren’t on the same page with what we want. That’s OK. It happens all the time. If I didn’t already have a couple of booty call boys, I’d probably take you up on the offer. But, again, I guess I often wonder why there isn’t a stage between booty call and girlfriend. We seem to have erased that somewhere over the years.
 
Richard, you’re an affable guy. I don’t think you’ll have any problems finding what you’re looking for quite soon. I wish you luck there, and I apologize for leading you down a path that may have been misleading. I just recently had the epiphany—last night, actually—that perhaps the reason I need three or four boys for regular booty call is that I’m not getting the companionship I’m looking for. I get plenty of sex. Perhaps I need to change my focus.
 
I’ll ruminate on that more.

HIM: You are very well spoken and I appreciate your consideration.  I think you are correct in identifiying the void between booty call and marriage material.  I am equally certain that I do not have any idea how to accomplish it either.  Do not apologize, you did not mis-lead me, we were just fishing at night, we have no idea where the fish are and no idea where the line we cast will land.
 
Good Luck. Richard.